Jan. 31st
A number of
K.B.’s friends and family members have been participating on Facebook in the
“#100happydays” meme. This is a beautiful idea: each day they have been saying
what has given them joy while providing an accompanying photo. In a time of grief, it is good to be able to
acknowledge those moments of brightness. I have enjoyed seeing what has brought light into their lives since they have started contributing to this project.
I’m not ready to take part, though.
It’s not that I haven’t felt happiness or peace since
January 10th. Looking into B.’s face, petting one of the cats,
roaming on a perfect beach in the Bahamas, laughing with much-loved friends and
family in Toronto—all have helped keep these last two weeks since her funeral
from being unspeakably grim. I am able to feel gratitude for having these
people and these experiences in my life.
But something stops me from describing
these days as “happy days.” I’m not there yet. It may be a while before I am.
I'll admit: it was difficult to get started, but I think it was a good exercise for me. Many days I find myself have several things I want to share. (And in those cases, I sometimes cheat and save the picture for another day.)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad it has worked for you, Wynn Anne. It's been wonderful to see what things have brought joy into your life. For me, it seems I can't get past the term "happy day." I think it's because on some level I believe that if I have enough happy moments in a day, to the point that I can call the day "happy," then it means I might be missing her less. And then feelings of guilt kick in.
ReplyDeleteIt's been really helpful to me too, but I get why you aren't there yet. I need to remind myself that good things happen or I get sucked into the mire of "everything sucks".
ReplyDeleteTotally understandable, Bronwyn. The glimmers of happiness really deserve to be acknowledged.
ReplyDelete